“What if you could raise your child's self esteem in 10 playful minutes a day?

When I was a small child I had a recurring dream. Someone is teasing me unmercifully, making me feel very bad inside. I open my mouth to defend myself but I can’t make a sound. No sound comes out because the roof of my mouth is clogged with a huge wad of bubble gum. It’s all stuck so tight I can’t move my tongue to talk.

I’m really embarrassed! A tormentor is watching me make a mess of trying to talk and now I’ve got to reach into my mouth to get the gum out. So I turn my back and begin digging the bubble gum off the roof of my mouth. It comes out in a long string. I pull and pull and pull at the gum. No matter how much I pull out, the bubble gum still fills my mouth and I can’t talk. To this day, I remember the skin-tearing feeling as I pulled the bubble gum off the roof of my mouth.

My dream ends without the satisfaction of confronting the bully because I can’t free my voice. I can’t defend myself, I can’t save myself or to get what I want, need and deserve.

It’s amazing how many stories I hear from adults that are similar to mine. We all have some degree of fear around giving voice to their needs. Why is it so hard for us to tell people what we want, need and deserve? It’s vulnerable, that’s why – fear of rejection. And if your self-esteem isn’t firmly intact, the risk is too great.  

Your child needs to feel free to tell you what she wants, needs and deserves. It helps build self-esteem. Doesn’t mean you need to say yes to everything, just to honor her right to voice what she wants. 

Anxiety and low self-esteem can rob a child of her ability to speak and be heard. Have you ever been standing close to a child and still not been able to hear her when she speaks? Possibly you thought the child was rude or disinterested or shy. Possibly. Lack of confidence is usually the culprit, though.

First of all the child has to have the desire to communicate needs and wants. Kids who believe they deserve to get what they need will usually speak up and ask. Kids who are full of anxiety, who suffer from low self-esteem will not ask because their belief system does not include receiving what they need and deserve.

When leading a Superhero workshop I’m struck by the number of children who speak so softly someone sitting right next to them can scarcely hear them. Low self-esteem drains your energy to the point that speaking in a normal tone of voice can seem like lifting the Titanic from the depths of the ocean floor.

Think of a time when you were suddenly afraid and you held your breath and your body froze. Do you remember as the fear subsided letting your breath and muscles go? Fear makes you hold breath, stiffens your muscles and stops you in your tracks. Speaking requires breath moving freely through your body. Holding breath as a result of fear is one of the contributing factors to a mousy voice.

Sometimes the fear is that no one will help even if you do give your needs a voice. It can be that you are afraid that you won’t be heard if you do speak, so the effort is not worth it. You might be afraid they will listen and then they’ll disregard you because you don’t deserve anything! 

Give your child the gift of listening and really hearing what he is saying. This does not mean that if he asks to drive the car at the age of 8 that you have to say yes. The important thing is to listen! It may feel like giving up your peace, but I assure you that in the long run, an open line of communication is the best route to having a healthy relationship with your child as he grows up.

Encourage your child to speak up and voice his opinions and feelings. If your child is speaking very softly, get him up and moving, jumping around to loosen up his breath and body. Celebrate his voice! It may make your life a bit more complex now, so picture 20 years from now when he’s in a business meeting and has a terrific idea to share with his boss. Will he be able to find his voice and share that career-making idea? Only if you give him permission right now!

Be playful and have fun with your child. 

I spoke with a friend the other day who has an 11 yr old with AD/HD. She resisted medicating her son with Ritalin until the psychologist told them that her son’s self-esteem was suffering from the consequences of AD/HD behaviors. The mom was advised that Ritalin was the answer to help with her son’s self-esteem issues.

Now the boy is being medicated. The annoying AD/HD specific behaviors have diminished somewhat BUT now he can’t sleep.  So back to the doc they go and the doc wants to put my friend’s 11 yr old on sleep aides! She says no they’ll deal with the sleep disturbances.

So lack of sleep and increased anxiety, also due to Ritalin, are causing depression. Back to the doc they go and now the doc wants the boy to be put on an anti-depressant – and sleep aides and Ritalin! No, my friend holds tough and rejects the anti-depressants. Then the boy starts getting severe headaches. What does the doc say – more meds, of course.

My question is, “What cost is the cure?” Is this the best that our medical community can do? The answer is yes. Our doctors are trained in allopathic medicine, a discipline whose purpose it is to find the right drug to cure the disease.

There are other answers. What about an answer that does not involve drugs or side effects but gives a child the tools to feel positive about himself? He can discover the strength already there inside and learn to develop that strength until it becomes a dominant part of his personality. In essence the child learns to empower himself.

And what if these positive changes can take place in just 10 playful minutes a day? Incredible right? And what if those 10 playful minutes a day are spent with his most terrific parent - You?

Let’s go back to my friend’s problem. The reason she gave in to the doctors and put her son on Ritalin was to save his self-esteem. There are other ways as described above. My program for raising a kid’s self-esteem in 10 playful minutes a day is one. It’s called Superhero-Self-Esteem™ where we build confidence from the inside out to empower your child.

The beauty of this program is that it’s inexpensive, has no side effects (except for bright eyes and smiles), FUN and is quality time for parent and child to share. The workouts are easy to do and guaranteed to make you laugh and smile and discover new strengths together.

Just for fun, ask your child if he feels a strong place inside of himself. Most children when asked will say very matter-of-factly that they do feel that strong place. Next, ask your child to tell you about how the strong place feels; then ask when he discovered it. Ask him to help you find your powerful place. He may not have answers to all of your questions, but you have now started a very important dialogue.

It’s essential that you listen to your child’s answers with curiosity and respect. There is nothing right or wrong about a feeling deep inside. I have learned so much from children’s total honesty – listen carefully and you will learn something wonderful about your child.

Be playful and have FUN! 

“Speak up I can’t hear you when you mumble!” Have you ever heard that one? The answer is most likely, “Yes!” When you were growing up you heard it from your parents and you have probably said it to your kids.

Your parents, and now you as a parent know the importance of clearly spoken words. How are you going to get the answer correct in class if the teacher can’t understand you? Will you place an order for “3” or for “free?” Will your child speak strong enough to be heard at all? 

Speaking in a strong voice is essential to having your needs met in this crazy world. A child that is anxious usually has a very quite voice. These little games help a child have fun using the voice in a non-threatening situation. The voice also becomes stronger each time they play.  As the voice becomes stronger, so does your child’s confidence to speak up!

Play these little games with your child. Your voice will also benefit. These are tried and true vocal exercises used by voice professionals to strengthen diaphragmatic breathing and to focus resonance or sound vibration. But the most important rule of the game is to share some playful time with your child.

1. Be a bumblebee. BZzzzzzzz! Use your finger or a small object as the bug and BZzzz it all around. As the bug goes higher, try to let your voice go higher.

2. Be a fly. Vvvvvvv! Use your finger or a small object as the bug and Vvvvvvv it all around. As the bug goes higher, try to let your voice go higher.

3. Be a snake. Sssssss! I bet you have a toy snake somewhere. Find it and add the snake sound. Let your child be the fly, Vvvvvv and you be the snake Ssssss that’s going to eat the fly! Play around with pitch and intensity of sound.

A strong voice contributes to strong confidence. The confidence to answer a question in class; the self-assurance to say, “No” to peer pressure; the self-esteem to say, “That’s so not cool” to a bully. Begin right now! Be playful and have fun!

For more information on conquering the evils of poor self-esteem, please visit www.SuperheroSelfEsteem.com

3 Fun Posture Exercises

“Stand up straight!” How many of us have heard that from our parents. My parents threatened to have a harness made for my sister so she’d have to stand up straight. Why do you suppose our parents wanted good posture of us? You want your child to have good posture too. Why?

Because you know intuitively that straight posture is more attractive. Good posture gives you a positive presence and a positive self-image. An aligned body is healthy and strong – strength that others can see.

If you want to imitate someone who is sad or depressed, you’d alter your posture by sagging, shoulders slumped and face toward the floor. Your child may exhibit some of these qualities in his/her body language and understandably so with the stress and anxiety put upon children in the 21^st Century.

Anxiety begins in the psyche and then takes up residence in body where it causes all sorts of havoc. The body caves in at the breastbone, the shoulders get tight and the neck turtles forward.

Muscular tension that results from anxiety tends to re-align posture to the point where a child actually looks different. A young person can begin to resemble a tired little old lady instead of a vibrant child.

Here are 3 positively proven posture exercises for you and your child to play with.

These are not the easiest exercises so try them with your child. You might both do some pretty funny postures and lots of laughing. What could be better? Well, what’s better is that while you are enjoying each other’s company, you will be learning something about strong body language.

As you fool with these exercises give each other feedback about how you look. Can you attach one word to how your child looks? Proud, happy, strong, confident? Have your child give you feedback too. It’s all in fun, so on one needs to be defensive and then everyone is willing to stretch even further. Be playful and have fun!

1. Stand with feet hip-width apart. Stretch the top of your head to the ceiling keeping chin level to the floor and stretch your fingertips toward the floor. Try to use all core muscles – no shoulder raising allowed. Then do the same exercise as you walk.

2. Stand with feet hip-width apart. Arms at your sides. Raise your arms straight out to shoulder height, hands facing the floor. When your arms are shoulder height, turn your palms to the floor and lower the arms straight down. Try to keep the shoulders relaxed, lazy even.

3. This one you can do sitting or standing. First simply be still and notice where your earlobes are in relation to your shoulders. Look in the mirror if you don’t know. Now pull your head to where your ears are over your shoulders. Then increase the space between your shoulders and your earlobes.

Strong posture contributes to strong self-image. Do these exercises once a day or more. Remember that doing them with your child is the most fun for him/her and for you.

For more information on conquering the evils of poor self-esteem, please visit www.SuperheroSelfEsteem.com

Do have a mumbler living in your house? Someone who mumbles? Someone you have to ask several times to repeat a statement or word because you cannot understand what he/she is saying? Frustrating isn’t it?

Well, the English language is not the easiest to pronounce. Every rule of spelling has an exception – or 10. That aside, what we have a tendency to forget is that language was created to describe our world and our experiences. Using our words with that understanding can clear things up a bit.

Let’s take the word “worms.” It’s not the most pleasant word to keep in your mouth, in fact it feels better to say it as though you are pushing the worms away. Try it. What about the word ‘love.’ It’s difficult to say ‘love’ in a nasty way unless you distort the word. It’s a warm word and that ‘v’ at the end is sensual. (Don’t need to tell your kids that!)

How about the word “fast.” You can say it very fast and even feel the movement of the ‘f’ as you say it. Now try “zoom.” Zoom describes how ‘fast’ a car can go, but you don’t really say it quickly because it is a sound description of a fast car. Hear the car going by fast as you say, “zoom.” 

Usually a confident person speaks with crisp clarity. This is because she trusts that the wants and needs she describes are worthy of being fulfilled. But a child who is rigid with anxiety or the low energy of low self-esteem is not going to make the effort to enunciate.

Giving your child permission to use words that describe how she is feeling and what she needs can make a big difference in her comfort with speaking. She has to be comfortable with you first before she can safely make her needs known to anyone else.

You can help your child build that comfort and confidence by being listening without judging. If she asks you for a pony in a clear, strong voice – great! You don’t have to give her the pony, but you can respect her for asking for what she wants without fear.

If she says she needs a pony, you can teach her the difference between a want and a need. This way, the doors of communication are still open, no one gets mad (hopefully), everyone gets to state their desire and everyone is being heard and understood.

Speaking up for yourself is a huge step toward a strong self-esteem. Let’s put this into a different context. If an adult in your child’s life wants something inappropriate from her, how likely is she to say, “No! That makes me feel bad!”?

For most of us the hardest thing to talk about is how we feel. So let’s give you and your child some words to play with, yes just to play with and explore their meaning. Play with speaking the words very clearly to really feel their meaning and how powerful one word can be.

Sad – it’s hard to smile when you are saying sad, isn’t it. You even feel a little sad if you say it enough.

Happy – use the beginning ‘h’ with enthusiasm and the word almost bounces around the room.

Scared – this word can almost push your whole body backwards away from something with a shaking motion.

Angry – there’s a lot of energy in this word that can push us forward into an attack mode.

Frustrated – it’s even frustrating to get through saying it because it takes too long and is too difficult to say and… you get the idea.

Playful – as soon as you say it, you want to get an idea for a new game.

Think of other words that your child uses, or words that will be useful in describing her feelings. Make up your own words. Such as, “I feel ‘slogic.’ As long as you’ve both agreed on a meaning, the specific word does not matter. The process of creating your own words is fun and can also open up your understanding to how the words of the English language are put together to express feelings.

Then use real words and say them as clearly as you possibly can. It’s empowering to state what you want, need and deserve in an understandable, strong voice. Your child may then begin to realize that she is worthy of having her needs met; that she has value as a person; that she can feel strong because she speaks up for herself! 

When I was a small child I had a recurring dream. Someone is teasing me unmercifully, making me feel very bad inside. I open my mouth to defend myself but I can’t make a sound. No sound comes out because the roof of my mouth is clogged with a huge wad of bubble gum. It’s all stuck so tight I can’t move my tongue to talk.

I’m really embarrassed! A tormentor is watching me make a mess of trying to talk and now I’ve got to reach into my mouth to get the gum out. So I turn my back and begin digging the bubble gum off the roof of my mouth. It comes out in a long string. I pull and pull and pull at the gum. No matter how much I pull out, the bubble gum still fills my mouth and I can’t talk. To this day, I remember the skin-tearing feeling as I pulled the bubble gum off the roof of my mouth.

My dream ends without the satisfaction of confronting the bully because I can’t free my voice. I can’t defend myself, I can’t save myself or to get what I want, need and deserve.

At the time I didn’t realize that I deserved to get what I wanted and needed, making self-defense almost impossible. Feeling helpless in the face of bullies is not unique. Not being able to find my voice, to say what I needed and wanted, is not unique. Anxiety runs rampant in kids everywhere.

There are at least 2 issues involved here. The first is feeling unworthy of and unable to defend myself. The second issue is fear of simply using the power of speech to get what I want, need and deserve. Both are the result of low self-esteem.

No one is to blame for my low self-esteem. Not my parents or me or the bullies who teased me. As an adult though, I had to take control or live my life at 40% instead of 100%. I wanted 100% and now I’ve got it.

So how did I find my way here to the creator of Superhero Self-Esteem^TM? Good question. I have spent a lifetime digging my way out of the hole of low self-esteem. Superhero Self-Esteem^TM is my gift children and their parents so they don’t have to suffer as I did.

It’s amazing how many stories I hear from adults that are similar to mine. We all have some degree of fear around giving voice to our desires. Why is it so hard for us to tell people what we want, need and deserve? It’s vulnerable, that’s why. And if your self-esteem isn’t firmly intact, the risk is too great.  

Your child needs to feel free to tell you what she wants, needs and deserves. It helps build self-esteem. Doesn’t mean you need to say yes to everything, just to honor her right to voice what she wants. 

Let’s share our stories. I pledge to you my readers, to rip it wide open and let you in on my journey to my powerful voice. Join me, won’t you? Together we can explore ways to make our children feel comfortable voicing their wants, needs and desires.

“’Here I come to save the day!’ That means that Mighty Mouse is on the way!” How does Mighty Mouse know he’s needed? If I need Mighty Mouse how do I call for him? Will he rescue me if I want him to?

I for one would much rather have a Superhero that I can call on any time I need instead of waiting for a mouse in tights and a cape to come to my rescue singing like an operatic baritone. I have a Superhero inside of me and so do you. We all have a Superhero inside of us.

I’m talking about a place inside, I feel it right behind the belly button, that feels strong and sure. We all know at some level where our confidence resides.

The incident they are calling “Miracle on the Hudson” where a US Airways flight went down in the freezing waters of the Hudson River with 135 passengers aboard – everyone survived.

Inspiration guru Tony Robbins sent out a video message stating, “Everyone one of us has a hero inside.” Everyone one of us has the capacity to be a Superhero.

Get Superhero Self-Esteem™ workouts 1-5 for FREE! at www.SuperherSelfEsteem.com

You can all nurture and strengthen our internal hero so when you hear, ’Here I come to save the day!’, you know it’s your own Superhero coming to the rescue!

What an amazing gift to give your children. Take a look at Superhero Self-Esteem workout 1-10 to build your child’s self-esteem in just 10 fun minutes a day. Who knows, your kid may be a hero in the making!

Visit us at http://www.SuperheroSelfEsteem.com for more tips on strong, simple self-assurance and get Superhero Self-Esteem™ workouts 1-5 for FREE! 

You can raise your child’s self-esteem in 10 minutes a day with Superhero Self-Esteem™. But how do you find 10 minutes a day? As I write the words, it boggles my mind as to why you couldn’t find 10 minutes a day. Yet I know how difficult it is to find the time.

Let’s look at it from another angle. How much time does lack of confidence cost you or your child? Do you have trouble getting your child out the door to school because of anxiety? How much time does that cost? How much angst?

Find the time to do your Superhero Self-Esteem™ workouts by scheduling it. Make it during Saturday morning cartoon time or the 10 minutes you spend arguing with your child about bedtime. Set a daily time and stick to it as best you can. It’s fun, quality time with your child.

Speaking as someone whose children are grown with families of their own, believe me, in the blink of an eye your children will be grown. Quality time will happen only once in a very great while. Squeeze every bit of time and fun you can out of your children while they are at home.

If you haven’t already done so, check out the Superhero Self-Esteem™ workouts – 10 minutes a day and you can raise your child’s self-esteem. www.SuperheroSelfEsteem.com

“’Here I come to save the day!’ That means that Mighty Mouse is on the way!” How does Mighty Mouse know he’s needed? If I need Mighty Mouse how do I call for him? Will he rescue me if I want him to?

I  would much rather have a Superhero that I can call on any time I need instead of waiting for a mouse in tights and a cape to come to my rescue singing like an operatic baritone. I have a Superhero inside of me and so do you. We all have a Superhero inside of us.

I’m talking about a place inside, I feel it right behind the belly button, that feels strong and sure. We all know at some level where our confidence resides.

The incident they are calling “Miracle on the Hudson” where a US Airways flight went down in the freezing waters of the Hudson River with 135 passengers aboard – everyone survived.

Inspiration guru Tony Robbins sent out a video message stating, “Everyone one of us has a hero inside.” Everyone one of us has the capacity to be a Superhero.

You can all nurture and strengthen our internal hero so when you hear, ’Here I come to save the day!’, you know it’s your own Superhero coming to the rescue!

What an amazing gift to give your children. Take a look at Superhero Self-Esteem workout 1-10 to build your child’s self-esteem in just 10 fun minutes a day. Who knows, you kid may be a hero in the making! 

When my kids were very young, I was privileged to be able to stay home with them. When they wanted to play baseball, they went out in the back yard and waited for a group to gather and they’d play a game. My kids didn’t have homework until they were in 5^th grade.

Today my grandson plays baseball on a team with uniforms, coaches, even a batting machine. They practice 5 times a week and have games on the weekend. My grandson is 7 yrs old. Every practice is after a full day of school. That’s a lot of pressure for a 7 yr old.

As much as everyone complains about not having time to breathe, the pattern of over scheduling your life isn’t going to change. So let’s put some Superhero breathing to work.

In the car on the way to the baseball game or dance lessons or the mall, take a moment to breathe with your child. Turn the radio off and use this little exercise to lower the heart rate and your anxiety.

Breathe in as you slowly say to yourself, “Breathing in.”

Breathe out as you slowly say to yourself, “Breathing out.”

Repeat at least three times. You’ll feel more relaxed. Be playful and have fun.