“What if you could raise your child's self esteem in 10 playful minutes a day?

When I was a small child I had a recurring dream. Someone is teasing me unmercifully, making me feel very bad inside. I open my mouth to defend myself but I can’t make a sound. No sound comes out because the roof of my mouth is clogged with a huge wad of bubble gum. It’s all stuck so tight I can’t move my tongue to talk.

I’m really embarrassed! A tormentor is watching me make a mess of trying to talk and now I’ve got to reach into my mouth to get the gum out. So I turn my back and begin digging the bubble gum off the roof of my mouth. It comes out in a long string. I pull and pull and pull at the gum. No matter how much I pull out, the bubble gum still fills my mouth and I can’t talk. To this day, I remember the skin-tearing feeling as I pulled the bubble gum off the roof of my mouth.

My dream ends without the satisfaction of confronting the bully because I can’t free my voice. I can’t defend myself, I can’t save myself or to get what I want, need and deserve.

At the time I didn’t realize that I deserved to get what I wanted and needed, making self-defense almost impossible. Feeling helpless in the face of bullies is not unique. Not being able to find my voice, to say what I needed and wanted, is not unique. Anxiety runs rampant in kids everywhere.

There are at least 2 issues involved here. The first is feeling unworthy of and unable to defend myself. The second issue is fear of simply using the power of speech to get what I want, need and deserve. Both are the result of low self-esteem.

No one is to blame for my low self-esteem. Not my parents or me or the bullies who teased me. As an adult though, I had to take control or live my life at 40% instead of 100%. I wanted 100% and now I’ve got it.

So how did I find my way here to the creator of Superhero Self-Esteem^TM? Good question. I have spent a lifetime digging my way out of the hole of low self-esteem. Superhero Self-Esteem^TM is my gift children and their parents so they don’t have to suffer as I did.

It’s amazing how many stories I hear from adults that are similar to mine. We all have some degree of fear around giving voice to our desires. Why is it so hard for us to tell people what we want, need and deserve? It’s vulnerable, that’s why. And if your self-esteem isn’t firmly intact, the risk is too great.  

Your child needs to feel free to tell you what she wants, needs and deserves. It helps build self-esteem. Doesn’t mean you need to say yes to everything, just to honor her right to voice what she wants. 

Let’s share our stories. I pledge to you my readers, to rip it wide open and let you in on my journey to my powerful voice. Join me, won’t you? Together we can explore ways to make our children feel comfortable voicing their wants, needs and desires.

Tags: bullies

This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 10th, 2009 at 7:16 pm and is filed under Kids Anxiety Solutions, Raise Self-Esteem. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.